I cud still rmbr those werds coming out of ur mouth. "Guys are sweet talker motherfucker!" Just like you. And when I tot I cud finally feel sumting ive long for. When I tot u were diff from the others. I cant believe I fall fer dat. Ida is so naive. Urgh! You know wat? Ur attitude is xactly the same as fidz! Sweet talker motherfucker! Fuck lah. I dunt even know wats ur motive. It is so freaking frustrating wen u dunoe wat u hav done. And u're being treated this way. Now I knoe how karl felt. The worst part is....i fucking trust you! Im so confused with whatever that is happening now. Im not even sure if we still together onot. Like wat nab say. Everyone seem to be lying to me! I dunt knoe hu to trust. I wana cry. but this tears just wunt come out. It took me so fucking long tyme to actually accept sumone...but wen I do...it all so fucked up! The hugs and kisses....the RING! Wats dat all about!?! Why do all this stuff wen u knoe u gona leave and fucking hurt me?! Avoiding and ignoring me will not make all these feelings go away. I want an explanation. I just wana knoe wat the fuck u're doing. I'm like missing u badly but at the same time....im so freaking frustrated wit u....! im still wearing this meaningless ring. I dunt knoe y. but wadever. Fuck this feelings. I hate myself. Notin I do seem to please people. I tot I finally found sumone I can go to wen I nid a shoulder to cry on. Sumone hu I tot will b der fer me. Sumone hu wud give me hugs to make me feel better. Sumone hu was gona love me fer me. Other than my frens. But in the end. That sumone is the one hu hurt me more than anyting else. Its so hard to lead my life. At this point of tyme. Inflicting pain to myself sounds great! How bout...sliting my wrist?? Wat do u tink? Or mayb....i shud start smoking back! Since sumone told me....it makes u ferget ur problem. Hmmmz.....
and i jus want my guitar back! ahakz!
WAIT! B4 u protest or go against me sliting my wrists or smoking... let me tell u sumtink! Im NOT sto0pid! I dun go ard slitting my wrists or get myself killed over a guy! puh-leessee! i got better stuff to do. and to me, smoking wunt erase my problem. So....fer wat! But all dis problems just make me wana give up on life. But thnx to the frens I hav now. Dey make me see that there are greater things in life. Sumting worth living for. I guez they made me hu I am now. Optimistic and happy go lucky person. And fer dat. I love them so0 much! Go to hell wit hanis. I got my frens. But honestly,if hanis were to come back into my life....I'll take him back. I guez I enjoyed being hurt time and time again! Dun worry bout me lah. Im a-okay! I'll get over it!
Ok. Take care. Cheers mate!
Yours truly,
ida